I’m assuming you have now watched and heard Brené’s talk above. If not, go and do it now. It lasts 20 minutes. I’ll wait. . .
Ok. What do you think about worthiness now? And vulnerability? I found it interesting that she could through her research group people into those two camps – those with a strong sense of love and belonging, and those that struggle for it and are forever wondering if they’re good enough. I was never good enough. Who told me I don’t know, me really. I had a voice that narrated me. I assumed we all do. But mine was always negative and critical. If I hadn’t have had that, then perhaps I wouldn’t be a doctor now. Did it push me to continually improve and seek more knowledge? Possibly, but I’ve listened to the wrong voice. Being a doctor can cruelly twist your belief about your own worthiness.
I discovered a quieter voice recently. Far more compassionate and caring. Not to the outside world, (although perhaps that too) but to myself. I’ve been able to quieten the former and listen to the latter now. They’re both important in a way, but the key has been able to learn to selectively listen. To notice the overly critical voice, and not to accept what it says. Suddenly, I’m no longer an idiot for not knowing something but now just keen to fill in a gap in my knowledge.
I agree with Brene that vulnerability is essential, but not that it shames us provoking fear and leading to feelings of unworthiness, but that vulnerability is what allows joy, creativity, and joy to blossom.
And when it comes to raising children I was affected by this quote, ‘even if you don’t shame them, and even if you are actively trying to raise them feeling good about who they are, they’re never going to treat themselves better than you treat yourself.’
Treat yourselves well x
Follow up by reading a Q&A session on TEDBlog here